From an actual newspaper contest where entrants ages 4 to 15 were asked to imitate Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey.
I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I don't have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life?
-- Age 15
Give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the things I cannot, and a great big bag of money.
-- Age 13
It sure would be nice if we got a day off for the president's birthday, like they do for the queen. Of course, then we would have a lot of people voting for a candidate born on July 3 or December 26, just for the long weekends.
-- Age 8
Democracy is a beautiful thing, except for that part about letting just any old yokel vote.
-- Age 10
Home is where the house is.
-- Age 6
I bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween.
-- Age 13
I often wonder how come John Tesh isn't as popular a singer as some people think he should be. Then, I remember it's because he sucks.
-- Age 15
For centuries, people thought the moon was made of green cheese. Then the astronauts found that the moon is really a big hard rock. That's what happens to cheese when you leave it out.
-- Age 6
My younger brother asked me what happens after we die. I told him we get buried under a bunch of dirt and worms eat our bodies. I guess I should have told him the truth--that most of us go to hell and burn eternally--but I didn't want to upset him.
-- Age 10
译文:

摘自一份真实的报纸竞赛, 在这项比赛中, 要求4-15岁的参赛者在语言上模仿杰克· 汉狄的“深思”.

我认为你应当把每一天都当作你的末日来过, 这就是为什么我没有干净的衣服穿, 因为, 你想想, 谁想在他们生命的最后一天还洗衣服呢?
--15岁

请给我力量, 来改变我能做到的, 请给我恩赐, 来接受我不能做到的和一大袋子钱.
-- 13岁

如果总统生日那天我们能放假当然很好, 就像他们给女王过生日一样. 当然, 我们还要让许多人来投票, 选举出一名出生于7月3日或12月26日的候选人, 就是为了能过个长周末.
-- 8岁

民主是件很好的事, 除了那个允许随便一个老乡巴佬投票的部分以外.
--10岁

家就是房子所在地.
-- 6岁

我打赌生活在一个裸体营中, 会带给你万圣节全部的乐趣.
-- 13岁

我常常奇怪为什么约翰·泰斯不象一些人认为的那样是个受欢迎的歌手. 当时,我记得那是因为他很差.
-- 15岁

几百年来, 人们认为月亮是由新鲜奶酪制成的. 之后, 宇航员发现月亮实际上是个大的坚硬的石头. 当你遗忘了奶酪的时候, 知道它会发生什么了吧.
-- 6岁

我弟弟问我, 我们死后会怎样. 我告诉他, 我们被埋在一把泥土下, 虫子吃我们的身体. 我想我本应该告诉他真相的—我们大多数人都要进地狱并永远焚烧掉—但是我不想令他感觉不舒服.
-- 10岁